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Yay for finally telling!


Naamah D.

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For the longest time my mom didn't understand gender identity or preferences. She said "You're either a boy or a girl" and said something about how you're either gay or not gay.

 

I've been trying to tell her that I'm gender neutral and bisexual for a very long time and well, I finally did and she finally acted like a civil human being about it.

While I am still comfortable in a female body even though I lack a body shape I still lean towards having a more masculine mentality, personality and get along very well with guys. I've always idolized males rather than females and one time at school they wanted me to do a timeline of famous females in history when I really wasn't comfortable with doing one of females and wanted to do famous men in history.

 

I am worried though, that jobs won't hire me all because I identify with males better than females, but they don't have to know.

 

It took a lot for me to finally come out because I was very fearful of how my friends and mom would react to this.

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I'm very happy for you too. :D I also salute you for having the courage to tell your loved ones about this.

 

It definitely couldn't have been easy... this is a very commonly misunderstood topic. I haven't gone through anything similar personally, but I have a few close friends who are transgender/do not identify with their birth genders, so I can understand a bit of what you're going through.

 

I hope that your mom eventually understands that it isn't always "you're either a boy or a girl, gay or not gay, A or B." Gender (and arguably orientation) is a sliding scale; many people find themselves in between, or identifying with neither. For now, though, I'm very happy that she is accepting of your identity even if she doesn't fully understand it -- that's perhaps the most important thing of all.

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Congratulations for telling! I can only imagine how scary it must be to be out in the open like that. I wish you the best!

 

I am worried though, that jobs won't hire me all because I identify with males better than females, but they don't have to know.

 

I wouldn't worry about it. Nobody has to know, but even if they do know, they can't discriminate you for gender or sexuality orientations. I'm pretty sure there must be laws in the US about it.

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.........Your mom was right. You're either a boy or girl. Your preferences don't change that fact.

 

 

This topic has been edited by a member of staff (.Brianna.).

Please be mindful of the type of board you are responding to. This topic is intended to be a Yay and Nay post, not a Debate post. Please be respectful of the viewpoints of others.

Please check your user inbox to see if you have been contacted regarding this topic.

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...

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.........Your mom was right. You're either a boy or girl. Your preferences don't change that fact.

 

Preferences? I didn't say that my being bisexual was the only thing. I identify with both genders not just in relationship preferences. Parts of me feel female, but I feel masculine for the most part. I still prefer to be called "she", but I can relate to male problems and social situations way better than female problems and topics.

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...

...

.........Your mom was right. You're either a boy or girl. Your preferences don't change that fact.

 

 

This topic has been edited by a member of staff (.Brianna.).

Please be mindful of the type of board you are responding to. This topic is intended to be a Yay and Nay post, not a Debate post. Please be respectful of the viewpoints of others.

Please check your user inbox to see if you have been contacted regarding this topic.

Please contact .Brianna if you have any questions regarding this action.

 

This is false. Physically speaking, the hijras of South Asian countries are one famous example of people who identify as a third gender-- that is, someone that doesn't fit into the traditional categories of male or female. There are many other examples.

 

Aside from that, I encourage you to look up the distinction between biological sex and gender identity. The two are independent concepts that are not necessarily the same. :)

 

The mods were correct -- this is not a debate thread, and definitely should not be turned into one. Therefore, I'll stop after only saying this: I encourage you to read up a little bit on the topic before you say anything potentially harmful. This thread was meant to support someone who just achieved a difficult milestone. Not to degrade it because you personally don't believe it.

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You'll never guess what? My brother and mom don't accept me after all! My brother said that I enforce gender stereotypes and I'm everything wrong with this world and mom says that my medical condition, Aspergers, is a culture. Its a medical diagnosis, mom, get your facts straight!

 

Your gender-neutral bisexual daughter Naamah Madasyn is such a sad panda right now.

 

Yeah, today was terrible.

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  • 1 month later...

HOORAY! I'm so happy for you! I cannot relate to the gender identity experience, but have friends whose relationships with their familes fall along the whole spectrum of acceptance to shunning over gender and sexuality. It just doesn't make sense to me, because my child is my child is my child. I'm so glad that your mom is being civil about it. Hopefully it just takes some time for her to adjust. The job thing is tricky, but I've heard their are great guides and resources on how to dress professional while gender neutral. Black slacks and white mid-length or long sleeve-rolled button up shirts are great on everyone. Don't be afraid to adopt a "work uniform" either. One of my annoyances is how males can wear the same thing nearly every day in a workplace, but I'm look at strangely if I wear the same (or same-looking) top two days in a week. I recently read about how freeing a "work uniform" can be, and am eager to try it out. Though I'll probably rotate some necklaces or scarves to give a dash of different, I've also considered nifty belts/buckles, or just really cool socks. You can still be yourself and professional, and don't let a single person tell you otherwise.

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Congratulations for telling! I can only imagine how scary it must be to be out in the open like that. I wish you the best!

 

 

I wouldn't worry about it. Nobody has to know, but even if they do know, they can't discriminate you for gender or sexuality orientations. I'm pretty sure there must be laws in the US about it.

You are correct. There are most definitely laws against any kind of discrimination in the workplace. There is a gender neutral person working at the petsmart near my house.

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Oh, that's a bummer that it turned around like that, I'm sorry.

 

If it helps, there are people who react badly at first, and then come around to be supportive and understanding. Parts of my own family were like this -- REALLY didn't get it, and didn't like it, but are now, at a minimum, fine with it, and in one case she actually did a lot of research on her own and went from being sooooper uncomfortable to being a great ally. It doesn't always happen like this, unfortunately, but it is possible. Don't give up hope. Remember you're not alone.

And I hate to add to the bummer-fest, but you should check your employment rights. I can't speak to other countries, but in most US states it is, in fact, perfectly legal to discriminate based on orientation and gender identity. :( Fortunately most big companies now have their own policies that protect those things, so it may not be a problem, but you should know your rights.

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It doesn't matter how you identify. Gay, straight, bisexual, happy, sad, boy, girl, above all you are a person. You matter. Be strong and confident in yourself. Your reflection is how others treat you. As long as you're being true to self and reflecting a strong, confident person, you will be treated as such. Good luck with everything!

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  • 3 months later...

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