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Undead

I can't stand some parents

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So- My niece lost her father last May, after her birthday from heroin. That's a long and horrifying story I can get into.

 

Her mother is a b word and the w word. Soon after he died on facebook she posted "What's the most obscure reason you're single?".

She leaves all the time and stays gone for days and only comes home at night, We know she's been seeing another guy. . on the same month as his passing. Her daughter lives here where she stays and she hasn't been spending time with her daughter.

 

She was with another family on Mother's Day and didn't see her daughter at all.

My niece thinks she's getting replaced. She says Mommy has a new husband and I have a new daddy and he has a kid too. 

I don't know what to do or who to talk to this about. She is a horrible mother. When my niece was a year old, she ran off with her and she got abused by her mother's friend; She ran back once no one wanted to keep her, She was kicked out. 

there is other explicit content she does but I don't know if it's appropriate here. 

My niece is my baby, I will protect her no matter what. I've been with her since she was born and always made sure she was happy. She's the only child I bonded with. She is mine. 

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27 minutes ago, Undead said:

So- My niece lost her father last May, after her birthday from heroin. That's a long and horrifying story I can get into.

 

Her mother is a b word and the w word. Soon after he died on facebook she posted "What's the most obscure reason you're single?".

She leaves all the time and stays gone for days and only comes home at night, We know she's been seeing another guy. . on the same month as his passing. Her daughter lives here where she stays and she hasn't been spending time with her daughter.

 

She was with another family on Mother's Day and didn't see her daughter at all.

My niece thinks she's getting replaced. She says Mommy has a new husband and I have a new daddy and he has a kid too. 

I don't know what to do or who to talk to this about. She is a horrible mother. When my niece was a year old, she ran off with her and she got abused by her mother's friend; She ran back once no one wanted to keep her, She was kicked out. 

there is other explicit content she does but I don't know if it's appropriate here. 

My niece is my baby, I will protect her no matter what. I've been with her since she was born and always made sure she was happy. She's the only child I bonded with. She is mine. 

I'm sorry that your niece is going through this.  It is a terrible thing.  The important thing is that you are there for her and she will always remember that.  You have to realize, it is better not to have any mother than to have a crappy one.  If she cannot be there, 100%, in her daughter's life, then it's better for your niece that she isn't there at all.  Take it from someone who knows all too well (my older son's grandparents INSISTED their son be part of my son's life and all he has done is messed him up) a parent can do a lot of damage to a child by being involved in their life because, that's what they SHOULD do, or being involved less than 100%, or being involved in drama with the in laws.  I know she doesn't realize it now, and you may not either, but she is far better off to have an aunt and grandparents who care a ton about her, than a mom who is just going through the motions. 

All that being said, he mom may be grieving too.  She may not know how to handle her OWN grief, let alone be there for her daughter.  Not everyone is strong enough to grieve appropriately.  Getting involved with this other guy, especially so soon after the death of (your brother?) could be her way of fending off the loneliness and avoiding the grieving process.  Everyone grieves in their own way.  We may not always agree with it, but we have to let them go through their own process in their own way.

Either way, right now, your niece is right where she belongs.  Use this time to bond with her, love her, and show her just how special she is.  She will grow up happy and healthy no matter who is raising her/spending time with her, as long as it is in a healthy way.  Good luck to you. 

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6 hours ago, rntracy1 said:

I'm sorry that your niece is going through this.  It is a terrible thing.  The important thing is that you are there for her and she will always remember that.  You have to realize, it is better not to have any mother than to have a crappy one.  If she cannot be there, 100%, in her daughter's life, then it's better for your niece that she isn't there at all.  Take it from someone who knows all too well (my older son's grandparents INSISTED their son be part of my son's life and all he has done is messed him up) a parent can do a lot of damage to a child by being involved in their life because, that's what they SHOULD do, or being involved less than 100%, or being involved in drama with the in laws.  I know she doesn't realize it now, and you may not either, but she is far better off to have an aunt and grandparents who care a ton about her, than a mom who is just going through the motions. 

All that being said, he mom may be grieving too.  She may not know how to handle her OWN grief, let alone be there for her daughter.  Not everyone is strong enough to grieve appropriately.  Getting involved with this other guy, especially so soon after the death of (your brother?) could be her way of fending off the loneliness and avoiding the grieving process.  Everyone grieves in their own way.  We may not always agree with it, but we have to let them go through their own process in their own way.

Either way, right now, your niece is right where she belongs.  Use this time to bond with her, love her, and show her just how special she is.  She will grow up happy and healthy no matter who is raising her/spending time with her, as long as it is in a healthy way.  Good luck to you. 

She's spoken to other men while married, and while my brother was in jail. She's always done this but I didn't know that it would have gotten this bad. My brother maybe a piece of poo but he was a good father. The stress got to him because all she wanted to do was sleep and stay on her phone while he had to take care of his daughter and his brother, He blames himself for what happened to his brother. They both did heroin and my one brother got the worst, He went the wrong way to help his stress. I am not saying what he did was good but he should have dealt with stress in a more clean way. 

I tell my niece all the time that she's my Cakey Cup, Her name is Kayla. And I will always be there for her and I tell her no one is gonna replace her no matter what. 

She has to do counseling for when her father died. She was in the house at the time but I made sure no one saw anything, I protected her I even lied to her about it but she told me she knew and I apologized to her. She maybe only six but I treat her as I would anyone. 

My sister-in law's name is Terri, Terri had a REMOVED mother and father that left her to be with another family; Daughter Like Mother. When Terri gets money she doesn't spend it on Kayla's needs, only her own. She gotten a new tattoo when Kayla needs stuff. 

I mean I have tattoos of my own but I go for groceries and needs before wants, And I'm the youngest of my sibling inlaws and my own siblings. I feel like I have to do everything for everyone. I know I shouldn't an dmy mother tells me I shouldn't; but- Who will? I know what to do I know what needs to be done. 

I'm just glad my mother has custody over my niece or Terri would have ran off with her. I cherish my niece, I try to give her everything I can.My room is a safe haven for her. She feels safe in my room with me as well as she feels safe with my grandfather. 

She told me she was getting replaced, That made me choke up- but I never try especially infont of her, I don't want her to see that I'm upset I want her to see I'm happy to have her. 

Terri never helped out around the house, my mother had to do it all- Never cooked, cleaned, watch her kid; all she did was sleep and be on the phone. When ever I watch her I'm on my phone when I know she is fine and if she needs something I instantly get off my phone. My mother has to take care of my now mentally challenged and paralyzed brother. He can't do anything for himself, I mean he can pick up food and drink but he can't bathe himself or use the bathroom himself.

I try my hardest to make everything better, I try to help out much as I am able to, I ever push myself with my mental illnesses to help my mother. I just want peace I want everything to be normal. Everyone happy and no drama no anxiety attacks, and no worry.

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Your niece is lucky to have you. 🙂

As for Terri, the things you mentioned about her (for instance: "all she does is sleep and be on the phone") kind of make it sound like she might be dealing with some form of depression. (Healthy people tend to not even be able to sleep all the time.) That doesn't help you at all, obviously, but it might explain some of her behaviour. Is she getting some kind of (mental) help? Considering your mom has custody over your niece, I'm assuming people are at the very least aware of the fact that Terri has issues?

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She pops pills and shes a hypochondriac and goes to the hospital for the littlest things, Where I haven'y gone to the doctors even though I might have ovarian cancer because I want to make sure my niece is safe and everything is okay. She gets high all the time and gets people to take her to pick up her medicine. She takes a lot of medicine. And she needs mental help but she got kicked out of the program because she was abusing the medicine. 

I taught my niece about what her mother is taking is wrong and such and I'm making sure she doesn't do it. She understand that what her mother is doing is wrong. What she does on her phone is complain about my mother and talk to guys. She accidentally left facebook logged in on my MOTHER'S computer.

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@Undead Go to the doctor! One of the best ways to keep your niece safe is to make sure you're okay as well, so you can look after her.

It's a shame she got kicked out of that mental health program, because she obviously needs the help. It sounds like she's got some serious issues that prevent her from being the mother she could perhaps be.

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23 minutes ago, Nielo said:

@Undead Go to the doctor! One of the best ways to keep your niece safe is to make sure you're okay as well, so you can look after her.

It's a shame she got kicked out of that mental health program, because she obviously needs the help. It sounds like she's got some serious issues that prevent her from being the mother she could perhaps be.

She got kicked out because she said she didn't have a problem but kept making excuses for pains and such to get medicine. She was never there for Kayla even after she was born. My mother did it all, And Terri got jealous of my mother with kayla wanting her more than her own mother. 

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Did this Terri "person" give up her parental rights? I have known grandparents who have had guardianship but lost the kids years later to the mother because the mother never gave up her parental rights. 

If she has given up her parental rights, move out of state. Get a restraining order against her because her presence is harmful to Kayla's development. If she has a history of drug use it will be easy. Request drug test at a police station (My local police station will do them for 20 bucks) before each visit.

If this "person" has truly behaved in this manner towards her child, then I doubt that she will put up much of a fight if you properly file a detailed complaint. List specific instances and dates of when the mother should have been present to supervise the child to prevent physical injury (being in the same house does not count, she must not be in a drugged out stupor/asleep). Keep grocery receipts and receipts for any clothes, shoes, school supplies or other essential items that you have purchased for her well being. Supply copies of your paychecks as proof that you have a steady job and income. If you rent, make sure that Kayla's name is on the lease but Terri's is not. Provide pictures of your home from the past year that include Kayla, preferably from occasions that Terri was not there.

You should act sooner rather then later. I believe that you should do everything in your power to get that girl out of Kayla's life as fast as you can. If Terri does try to fight it, the legal proceedings can drag on. You or your mother might not want to kick Terri out of Kayla's life, but a woman like Terri is no mother nor does she have a right to be one. Terri is causing Kayla more pain by being in her life in the long run.

Save Kayla. Terri seems to have no problem finding other men to latch onto as a distraction. Kayla will be sad at first, and that will be hard, but it is better to just throw that trash out now. Kayla doesn't need that toxic garbage hanging around making her sick for decades.

That was my self righteous rant. Sorry if I have offended anyone, but these are my opinions and as such I am entitled to them so bleh!

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27 minutes ago, babayaga67 said:

Did this Terri "person" give up her parental rights? I have known grandparents who have had guardianship but lost the kids years later to the mother because the mother never gave up her parental rights. 

If she has given up her parental rights, move out of state. Get a restraining order against her because her presence is harmful to Kayla's development. If she has a history of drug use it will be easy. Request drug test at a police station (My local police station will do them for 20 bucks) before each visit.

If this "person" has truly behaved in this manner towards her child, then I doubt that she will put up much of a fight if you properly file a detailed complaint. List specific instances and dates of when the mother should have been present to supervise the child to prevent physical injury (being in the same house does not count, she must not be in a drugged out stupor/asleep). Keep grocery receipts and receipts for any clothes, shoes, school supplies or other essential items that you have purchased for her well being. Supply copies of your paychecks as proof that you have a steady job and income. If you rent, make sure that Kayla's name is on the lease but Terri's is not. Provide pictures of your home from the past year that include Kayla, preferably from occasions that Terri was not there.

You should act sooner rather then later. I believe that you should do everything in your power to get that girl out of Kayla's life as fast as you can. If Terri does try to fight it, the legal proceedings can drag on. You or your mother might not want to kick Terri out of Kayla's life, but a woman like Terri is no mother nor does she have a right to be one. Terri is causing Kayla more pain by being in her life in the long run.

Save Kayla. Terri seems to have no problem finding other men to latch onto as a distraction. Kayla will be sad at first, and that will be hard, but it is better to just throw that trash out now. Kayla doesn't need that toxic garbage hanging around making her sick for decades.

That was my self righteous rant. Sorry if I have offended anyone, but these are my opinions and as such I am entitled to them so bleh!

She already gave up her rights, she isn't even allowed to pick her up from school because we know she would snatch her away. And we tried getting her drug tested and such but everytime they "scheduled" to come is when she hasn't taken anything.

 

And I agree with you 100% most of my family does agree but- Kayla loves her Mother so it's hard to see her being "replaced". We're hoping she'll move out fully soon. I think it's the best for Kayla. Having to lose one parent that did care for her for a parent that will move on to the next guy to leech off of. 

My family did everything for her and helped with everything she needed but Terri stabbed them in the back; See I trusted her before and defended her from my mother, that is until she broke my trust by snatching Kayla the first time. She is stuck in the highschool phase. I'm turning 23 and she is only a couple years older than me, It's sad that I act more mature than her. 

Her sister is worse than her, Her sister also guy hops, gets engaged leaves the guy and repeats. She left a stable home from a guy whom even said she could just stay there until she gets on her feet. She got pregnant because Terri did.

I agree that she is trash. She cries for attention, She says she will kill herself then next minute she's all fine when she didn't get the attention.

See, I struggle with severe depression and I've never said what I wanted to do out loud, I also after years admit I had a problem with depression; I got help. 

She spreads stuff about my mother . My mother is far from the nicest person, That Irish blood in us and her being a hot headed redhead- well she tells it like it is. And she's told Terri so many times that she needs to stay with her daughter.

Only thing stopping us for kicking her out fully is no place to live, Which I' myself, would do anyways cause I don't tolerate most people and more cold hearted than my mother. I also have more sympathy to certain things like animals and my niece. 

Heck, My one pair of grandparents took her in one time because they felt sorry and she stole from them and treated her dog bad without her knowing. 

I don't want my niece to have mental problems like I do, I had a crap ton of stuff happen to me in the past so where I will make sure on my life that nothing like that will ever come to harm her.

My brother gave full parent rights to my mother because he knew my mother could do way better but it didn't stop him from being a father, He always spent money on Kayla while her mother spent it on a new piercing or a new tattoo. That stuff isn't  cheap either. The least expensive tattoo I got was 80$ and it was a simple heart, another one was 120$ My piercings altogether would around200$?

I got all of them on my birthdays instead of jsut spending to spend. 

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I am so sorry to read this.

Really, for everyone involved, this is horrible.

But you are doing really well, just stay that way and be a person your niece can trust because this will become a major issue a little later in life so she has a go-to person.

Good things happen to good people 🙂 (which does not mean that bad things happen to bad people, but we make our choices and sometimes fate plays along)

And I am glad to read you are doing all you can at such a young age. I am 31 and have a kid and am so overwhelmed sometimes I have no clue how I manage to breathe sometimes ...

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2 minutes ago, PinkSpaceSheep said:

I am so sorry to read this.

Really, for everyone involved, this is horrible.

But you are doing really well, just stay that way and be a person your niece can trust because this will become a major issue a little later in life so she has a go-to person.

Good things happen to good people 🙂 (which does not mean that bad things happen to bad people, but we make our choices and sometimes fate plays along)

And I am glad to read you are doing all you can at such a young age. I am 31 and have a kid and am so overwhelmed sometimes I have no clue how I manage to breathe sometimes ...

She's going with someone whom has a little girl around my niece's age. 

 

Today she's suppose to be spending time with my niece all day today, Social worker says once a week should be all day Kayla Day. No one is gonna say anything to see if she remembers and if not my niece will remember. 

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On 5/16/2018 at 8:17 AM, Undead said:

She's going with someone whom has a little girl around my niece's age. 

 

Today she's suppose to be spending time with my niece all day today, Social worker says once a week should be all day Kayla Day. No one is gonna say anything to see if she remembers and if not my niece will remember. 

She didn't spend time with her, She left and didn't return until 7:30 am.

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